Last March, one of our local papers had a little trouble in their classified ads department. I was going to be too busy to write that day, but sometimes a writing “prompt” just lands on your doorstep. The MV Times March 15th edition contained a half-jumbled “bargain box” classified ad section. Some of the ads had been reduced to total gibberish, but others were delightful. Here is a selection of the best of the best. Phone numbers have been redacted, to protect the innocent.
Wrap your mind around some of these possibilities!
LIKE TO COOK? $25.. Call 508-693-.
3 WAY STEREO SPEAKERS With alloy hubs-Bridgestone Dueller AT P25570R18. 4 with third tread left, $50 each. 1 brand new, $100. 508-627-.
The perfect gift for the Audiophile Motorhead. Comes with free autographed picture of King Farouk.
BICYCLES If you suspect your child has Sensory Integrative Disorder, this item will help them feel less anxious. $50. 508-693-.
I know that swinging is really good for children. Where else, when you’re not a baby anymore, can you get rocked and nobody will laugh at you? I like a good swing now and then. There should be swings sets in Washington, DC, for our Senators and Congresspeople. Maybe they’d be less crazy if they swang more. If swinging and motion is good for you, bicycles must be verry therapeutic.
BOATING Box/mattress set. Two twin size mattress and box spring sets. Mattresses are clean, no stains, no tears. FREE. 508-627-.
Where are you going to put the oarlocks?
COTTAGE ROCKING CHAIR Left and right trapezoid windows, 62 1/2″x84 1/4″x29 1/4″ W – 8 1/2 degree pitch, never used. With trim kit. $100 each. 774-521-.
I want to see a rocking chair with windows. Good for chilly days, if you remember to shut the door. Or is it an actual cottage with rockers? That would be lots of fun in a stiff breeze, when the wind gets under the eaves.
RYOBI VACUUM TABLE With butcher block top. Cute, white, country style. One end wine storage, other end cupboard with storage. 508- 939-.
How do you pull a vacuum through an inch and a half of solid maple?
TWO MOUNTAIN BIKES Faux antique. Approx. 6 1/2 ft. long. Too small for my daughter. $75/OBO. 508-693.
Do you wear faux spandex on a faux antique mountain bike?
And tell, please, tell about your daughter.